Almost

I tried.
But as usual, it is not enough.
From my jobs to my relationships
To my friendships.
It is never enough.
It's a life of almost there,
Missed it by that much
Day late, a dollar short.
Never enough.
Not in the right place.
Not at the right time.
Constantly running on an infinity shaped path
That leads to nowhere.
Then I'm told I try too hard.
Which I don't believe.
I sat there with her that night,
And I knew she wanted to ask me something.
I knew she wanted to.
She didn't.
I left her house
And any chance for more than what I have now,
Behind.
This is how life has shaped me.
From friends in school,
To friends in adult life.
It is never enough.
I'm nice.
I'm average.
I have a lot to offer,
Respect, love, truth, honesty, integrity.
It isn't enough, though.
This is why I gave up on finding
Someone to love.
Who ever would have me
Would have been blessed,
I think.
But the bullshit that we all went through
At one point in our lives
Has rendered us
Afraid of opening up.
Afraid of accepting love.
When I am polite to someone,
Or am friendly to someone
They think I am flirting
And they cut me off and leave.
Afraid.
Afraid I will want them.
I just wanted a friend.
When did it become so complicated
That you can't be just a friend?
I wished she would have asked me.
I wished she would have told me what was on her mind,
What she was thinking.
If nothing
It would have been
Interesting.
I almost found out.