Thoughts And Distractions

As November quietly left and held the door open for December, I headed home.
The clear night sky only sported the stars, and left room for my thoughts.
So much to think about.
 
I think about this woman.
I can't stop.
It could develop into madness, but I won't let it.

I thought about what another woman had said.
And how stupid she was for saying it.
She should know better.
It pissed me off, but after a nights sleep
I decided to just shelve her for the moment and move on.

I thought about how nice it would be
To have a girlfriend.
Who am I kidding?
Maybe I'm better off alone.
It will change one day,
But she will have to find me, this time.

I thought about how beautiful the sunset was this evening
The pinks and purples and streaks of clouds in the twilight.
I thought about how much I do love this time of year.
And how I don't let the chaos of the holiday season get to me.

I thought about her again.
And again. And again.
It is useless, but I cant help it.

My thoughts are scattered around
Like the dead leaves of autumn.
Shuffle through my mind,
Kick them around like the leaves
Watch the wind scatter them into new piles.

Walk through them and kick them around again.
Look at them from a different angle.
Needlessly dissecting them as I do.
Think too much.

I think about how insecurity, and jealousy
Seems to follow me, and when I discover them
They are disguised as people I know.
Well, people I thought I knew.
I don't understand jealousy.
It is useless to me.

And dammit, just like that
She pops into my mind AGAIN.
Sigh.
Maybe she knows that
She takes my mind off
The stupid stuff I think about.
She will fade too.
This (hopefully) harmless distraction.
Everything transitions out.
I wish the jealousy would.

Stupid jealousy.
Stupid insecurity.
You make me shelve things that pisses me off,
Because I don't want to deal
With the drama it brings.
I don't have time for that.

The only thing I have time for
In the free time I have,
Is her.
And there she is again.
And as my mind hugs her image
I thank her for distracting me,
Yet again.